There is one thing that unites many of us, simple and therefore absurd - deep down everyone really knows what they want. Moreover, he sees the ways by which you can achieve your goal. We know how, we know how long it will take. The paradox is that, having such information, we do not take any action at all. Everyone has their own reasons, but we all know one thing: our inaction in the presence of strength, knowledge and time is unforgivable. So what's stopping you from going on a journey to follow your dreams? We found 8 reasons that may have an impact. Having understood them, you will finally set your priorities. Nothing else will stop you and make you turn off your path.

As a rule, the strongest motivators for a person are fear or love, and the former can help you move forward, or it can slow you down. It would seem that a brilliant plan has matured in your head, an idea was born, but you do not start to implement it, but all because you are afraid. You, the opinions of others, evil tongues that can make fun of you and your dreams. And most importantly, fear is sometimes an excuse for laziness. But you are not the only one who is afraid and doubtful, and in this case, fear is neither an excuse nor a barrier. Remember:

1. There is not a single person who would not experience fear
2. Fear only indicates what needs special attention and improvement.
3. If you don’t conquer fear, it will accumulate and devour you from the inside, not allowing you to realize even half of your potential.
4. Often, fear is based on personal speculation, so you created many obstacles artificially only in your head.

perfectionism

You want to do everything perfectly, you want to work out every detail of your project, which is why you procrastinate, because you are waiting for the right moment, waiting for you to feel that you have gained experience. But all this only slows you down, preventing you from developing. Of course, each of us wants to achieve perfection, but it comes not from thoughts, but from action, so desire alone cannot help here. Sometimes perfectionism is imaginary and only slows you down, and the desire to do everything flawlessly takes precedence over common sense. Forget it, just start doing what you gotta do. Mistakes are inevitable, but this is exactly what will make you better. At the very least, you need to stop waiting for the right moment and the perfect set of circumstances, because you understand that such a moment may never present itself.

Momentum and motivation may disappear

There are people who, on the way to the goal, set clear rules for themselves, for example: wake up early in the morning, work through problematic issues every day, devote an hour to reading the necessary technical literature. They are motivated, charged, they are driven by an impulse of action that can very easily disappear. If you think that the loss of motivation is akin to failure, then you are greatly mistaken, because sometimes we have to do what we have to do, and not what we want. This is the essence of the winners. There are people who, while on a diet for about 2 weeks, do not see results and give up this business, or having received one negative review about their activities, they are ready to close everything and turn off the chosen path. Running with your tail between your legs, at the very first difficulties, is the lot of the weak, and you are clearly not from that cohort. It's normal to wake up tired and not want to do what needs to be done. This does not mean that all your efforts are of no value. It only means that you are moving in the right direction, but you need to take a short break, say, for a day.

Comparison

We are so accustomed to comparing ourselves with other people that we may consider our skills and achievements worthless compared to them. If you are a photographer, then looking at the work of more professional colleagues, you may consider that their level is too high to try to reach it. If you have just finished your studies and come to work, it may seem as if more experienced colleagues are the gods of knowledge, and you are just a smert who spent years learning to no avail. But it's not. You can equal the best, strive to their level, but in no case should your own merits and knowledge be underestimated. Even compared to an idol. Yes, you are still not good enough to be on a par with your ideal. At the same time, you are still quite young and you know in which direction you should move, and this is worth a lot. Build on your strengths and never think that there is a bar that is too high for you.

A vicious circle of worries

Perhaps, because of work, you do not have enough time to realize yourself and

Sometimes some tasks and goals seem so grandiose that it seems as if it would be unrealistic to put them into practice. This is exactly what planning is for. Having calculated each step, understanding where to start and what actions to take, you will gradually draw a picture in your head, which will soon turn into a solid canvas. Systematization, strict adherence to the plan and schedule will help in your endeavor. And remember: crush the target, and do not try to take the bastion impudently, because you cut the watermelon into slices before you start eating it.

Will is the ability of a person to give himself a task

Will is my inner "yes" to some value

Alfried Lenglet , a well-known Austrian psychotherapist, professor, one of the founders of existential analysis, gave a lecture in Moscow on the topic Why don't I do what I want? Making a decision, a method of strengthening the will".

"The topic of will is the topic that we deal with daily. We don't even go away from this topic. Every person who is present here is here because he wants to be here. No one came here involuntarily. And no matter what we do during the day, it is related to our will Whether we eat, whether we go to bed, whether we have some conversation, whether we resolve some conflict, we do this only if we have made a decision in favor of it and we have the will to do so.

Maybe we are not even aware of this fact, because we do not say “I want” so often, but we put it in such expressions as “I would like”, “I would do”. Because the wording “I want” conveys something very important. And will is really power. If I don't want to, nothing can be done. No one has power over me to change my will - only myself. In most cases, we are not even aware of this, but intuitively we have a feeling that it is the will that is meant here. Therefore, we say more gently "I would like", "I would like" or simply "I will go there". “I will go to this report” is already a decision. To complete this thought, which was a kind of introduction, I will say: often we are not even aware that every minute we want something.

I would like to divide my report into three parts: in the first part I will describe the phenomenon of will, in the second part I will talk about the structure of the will, and in the third part I will briefly mention the method of strengthening the will.

Will is present in our lives every day. Who is the person who wants? It's me. Only I control the will. Will is something absolutely my own. I identify myself with will. If I want something, then I know it's me. The will represents the autonomy of man.

Autonomy means that I make the law for myself. And through the will, determination itself is at our disposal, through the will I determine what I will do as the next step. And this already describes the task of the will. Will is the ability of a person to give himself a task. For example, I want to continue talking now.

Thanks to the will, I release my inner strength for some kind of action. I invest some strength and give it time. That is, will is an order to perform some action that I give to myself. As a matter of fact, that's all. I give myself permission to do something. And since I want this, I experience myself as free. If my father or professor gives me some assignment, then this assignment is of a different kind. Then I am no longer free if I follow this. Unless I add their commission to my will and say, "Yes, I will do it."

In our life, the will performs an absolutely pragmatic function - for us to come to action. Will is the bridge between the command center in me and the deed. And it is attached to the Self - because I have only my will. To set this will in motion is the task of motivation. That is, will is very closely related to motivation.

Motivation basically means nothing more than setting the will in motion. I can motivate my child to do homework. If I tell him why it's important, or if I promise him a chocolate bar. To motivate means to lead a person to want to do something himself. An employee, friend, colleague, child - or yourself. How can I motivate myself, for example, to study for an exam? In principle, by the same means by which I motivate the child. I can think why it matters. And I can promise myself a chocolate bar as a reward.

Let's summarize. First, we have seen that the will is a task that a person gives himself to do something. Secondly, the author of the will is myself. There is only one personal will of mine, in me. "Wants" none other than me. Thirdly, this will is at the center of motivation. To motivate means to set the will in motion.

And this puts a person before finding a solution. We have some kind of assumption, and we are faced with the question: “Do I want it or not?”. I have to make a decision - because I have freedom. Will is my freedom. If I want something, when I am free, I decide for myself, I fix myself in something. If I want something myself, no one forces me, I am not forced.

This is another pole of will - lack of freedom, compulsion. To be forced by some greater power - the state, the police, a professor, parents, a partner who will punish me if something happens, or because it may have bad consequences if I do not do something that the other wants. I can also be forced by psychopathology or mental disorders. This is precisely the characteristic of mental illness: we cannot do what we want. Because I have too much fear. Because I'm depressed and I don't have the strength. Because I'm addicted. And then I will again and again do what I do not want to do. Mental disorders are associated with the inability to follow one's will. I want to get up, do something, but I have no desire, I feel so bad, I'm so depressed. I have remorse for not getting up again. Thus, a depressed person cannot follow what he thinks is right. Or an anxious person cannot go to the exam, although he wants to.

In the will we find the solution and realize our freedom. This means that if I want something, and this is real will, then I have a special feeling - I feel free. I feel that I am not forced, and this suits me. This is again I, which realizes itself. That is, if I want something, I am not an automaton, a robot.

Will is the realization of human freedom. And this freedom is so deep and so personal that we cannot give it away to anyone. We cannot stop being free. We must be free. This is a paradox. Existential philosophy points to this. We are free to a certain extent. But we are not free not to want. We must want. We must make decisions. We have to do something all the time.

If I'm sitting in front of the TV, I'm tired and I fall asleep, I have to make a decision whether to continue sitting because I'm tired (this is also a decision). And if I cannot make a decision, then this is also a decision (I say that I cannot make a decision now, and I do not make any decision). That is, we constantly make decisions, we always have the will. We are always free because we cannot stop being free, as Sartre put it.

And since this freedom is located at a great depth, in the depths of our essence, the will is very strong. Where there is a will, there is a way. If I really want to, then I will find a way. People sometimes say: I don't know how to do something. Then these people have a weak will. They don't really want to. If you really want something, you will walk thousands of kilometers and become the founder of a university in Moscow, like Lomonosov. If I really do not want, no one can force my will. My will is absolutely my own business.

I remember one depressive patient who suffered from her relationship. She constantly had to do something that her husband forced her to do. For example, a husband would say, “Today I will drive in your car because mine ran out of gas.” Then she was forced to go to the gas station and because of this she was late for work. Similar situations were repeated again and again. There were many such examples.

I asked her, "Why not say no?" She replied, “Because of the relationship. I ask further:

But it won't improve the relationship, will it? Do you want to give him the keys?

Me not. But he wants.

Okay, he wants to. What do you want?

In therapy, in counseling, this is a very important step: to see what my own will is.

We talked about it for a bit and she said:

Actually, I don't want to give him the keys, I'm not his maid.

And now there is a revolution in the relationship.

But, she says, I have no chance, because if I don't give him the keys, he will come and take them himself.

But before that, you can take the keys in your hands?

But then he will take the keys from my hands!

But if you don't want to, you can hold them tightly in your hand.

Then he will use force.

Maybe so, he's stronger. But that doesn't mean you want to hand over the keys. He cannot change your will. This can only be done by you. Of course, he can worsen the situation in such a way that you say: I've had enough. All this hurts so much that I no longer want to hold on to my will. It will be better if I give him the keys.

This means that it will be coercion!

Yes, he forced you. But you have changed your will.

It is important that we realize this: that the will belongs only to me and only I can change it, no one else. Because will is freedom. And we humans have three forms of freedom, and they all play a role in connection with the will.

The English philosopher David Hume wrote that we have have freedom of action (for example, the freedom to come here or come home, this is freedom directed outward).

There is another freedom that is above external forces - this is freedom of choice, freedom of decision. I determine what I want and why I want it. Because there is value in it for me, because it suits me, and probably my conscience tells me that it is right - then I decide in favor of something, for example, to come here. This is preceded by freedom of decision. I found out what the topic would be, thought it would be interesting, and I have a certain amount of time, and out of many opportunities to spend time, I choose one. I make up my mind, I give myself a task and realize freedom of choice into freedom of action by coming here.

Third freedom - essence freedom, it is intimate freedom. This is a feeling of inner harmony. Deciding to say yes. This "yes" - where does it come from? It is no longer something rational, it comes from some depth in me. This decision, connected with the freedom of the essence, is so strong that it can take on the character of an obligation.

When Martin Luther was accused of publishing his theses, he replied: "That's where I stand and I can't help it." Of course, he could have otherwise - he was a smart man. But this would be so contrary to his essence that he would have the feeling that it would not be him, if he denied it, he would refuse it. These inner attitudes and beliefs are an expression of a person's deep freedom. And in the form of inner consent they are contained in any will.

The question of will can be more complicated. We talked about the fact that will is freedom, and in this freedom it is strength. But at the same time, will sometimes seems to be coercion. Luther can't help it. And in the freedom of decision there is also a compulsion: I have to make a decision. I can't dance at two weddings. I cannot be both here and at home at the same time. That is, they force me to freedom. Maybe for tonight it does not represent such big problem. But what should the will do if I love two women (or two men) at the same time and, moreover, equally strongly? I have to make a decision. For a while I can keep it a secret, hide it so that there is no need to make a decision, but such decisions can be very difficult. What decision should I make if both relationships are very valuable? It can make you sick, it can break your heart. It's the agony of choice.

We all know this in simpler situations: should I eat fish or meat? But it's not so tragic. Today I can eat fish, and tomorrow meat. But there are situations that are unique.

That is, freedom and will are also connected by coercion, obligation - even in freedom of action. If I want to come here today, then I must fulfill all the conditions so that I can come here: go by metro or by car, walk. I have to do something to get from point A to point B. In order to realize my will, I have to meet these conditions. Where is freedom here? This is a typical human freedom: I do something, and I am squeezed by the “corset” of conditions.

But maybe we should define what "will" is? Will is a decision. Namely, the decision to go for some value that you have chosen. I choose between the different values ​​of this evening and choose one and implement it by making a decision. I make up my mind and say my last yes to it. I say yes to this value.

It is possible to formulate the definition of will even more briefly. Will is my inner "yes" to some value. I want to read a book. A book is valuable to me because it is a good novel or textbook that I need to study for an exam. I say yes to this book. Or meeting a friend. I see some value in this. If I say yes, then I am also ready to make some effort to see him. I'm going to him.

Connected with this yes to value is some investment, some contribution, a willingness to pay for it, to do something, to become active. If I want, then I myself go in this direction. This is a big difference compared to just wanting. It is important to make a distinction here. Desire is also a value. I wish myself a lot of happiness, health, to meet a friend, but wishing does not contain a readiness to do something for this myself - because in desire I remain passive, I wait for it to come. I want my friend to call me and I'm waiting. In many things I can only wait - there is nothing I can do. I wish you or myself a speedy recovery. Everything that could be done has already been done, only the value of recovery remains. I tell myself and the other that I see this as a value and I hope it happens. But this is not the will, because the will is to give oneself the commission of some action.

There is always a good reason for will. I had a good reason to come here. And what is the basis or reason for coming here? This is exactly what value is. Because I see something good and valuable in it. And this is a reason for me, an agreement to go for it, maybe take a risk. Maybe it turns out that this is a very boring report, and then I wasted the evening on it. Doing something with the will always involves some risk. Therefore, the will includes an existential act, because I take risks.

There are two points of misunderstanding about the will. Will is often confused with logic, rational in the sense that I can only want what is reasonable. For example: after four years of study, it is reasonable to go to the fifth year and finish your studies. You can't want to stop studying in four years! It's so irrational, so stupid. May be. But will is not something logical, pragmatic. Will springs from a mysterious depth. The will has much more freedom than in the rational beginning.

And the second point of misunderstanding: it may seem that you can set the will in motion if you give yourself the task of wanting. But where does my will come from? It does not stem from my "want". I can't "want to want". I also cannot want to believe, I cannot want to love, I cannot want to hope. And why? Because the will is an order to do something. But faith or love are not actions. I don't do it. It is something that arises in me. I'm not here if I love. We don't even know what ground love falls on. We can't control it, we can't "make" it - so it's not our fault if we love or don't love.

In the case of will, something similar happens. What I want grows somewhere in me. This is not something where I can give myself an assignment. It grows out of me, from the depths. The more the will connects with this great depth, the more I experience my will as something that corresponds to me, the more I am free. And with will comes responsibility. If the will resonates with me, then I live in responsibility. Only then am I truly free. The German philosopher and writer Matthias Claudius once said, "A man is free if he can want what he must."

If this is so, then "to leave" is connected with the will. I must freely leave my feelings - so that I can feel what is growing in me. Leo Tolstoy once said: “Happiness is not about being able to do what you want…”. But doesn't freedom mean that I can do what I want? This is true. I can follow my will and then I am free. But Tolstoy speaks of happiness, not of will: "... and happiness lies in always wanting what you do." In other words, so that you always have an internal agreement in relation to what you are doing. What Tolstoy describes is an existential will. As happiness, I experience what I do, if I experience an internal response in it, an internal resonance, if I say “yes” to this. And I cannot “make” an internal agreement - I can only listen to myself.

What is the structure of the will? I can only want what I can do. It makes no sense to say: I want to remove this wall and walk along the ceiling. Because the will is a mandate to act, and it assumes that I can do it too. That is, the will is realistic. This is the first structure of will.

If we take this seriously, then we must not want more than we can, otherwise we will no longer be realists. If I can't work anymore, I shouldn't demand it of myself. free will can also leave, let go.

And that's the reason why I don't do what I want. Because I don't have the power, I don't have the ability, because I don't have the means, because I run into walls because I don't know how. Will presupposes a realistic view of what is, on the given. That's why sometimes I don't do what I want.

Also, I don't do something for the reason that I feel fear - then I push it back and put it off. Because I might get hurt and I'm afraid of it. After all, the will is a risk.

If this first structure is not fulfilled, if I really cannot, if I have no knowledge, if I experience fear, then this hinders me.

The second structure of the will. Will is "yes" to value. This means that I must also see the value. I need something that will also attract me. I need to experience good feelings, otherwise I cannot want. I must like the path, otherwise the goal will be far from me.

For example, I want to lose 5 kilos. And I decided to start. 5 kilos less is a good value. But I also have feelings about the path that leads there: I should also enjoy eating less and exercising today. If I don't like it, I won't reach this goal. If I don't have that feeling, then I won't do what I want again. Because the will does not consist solely and only of the mind.

That is, in the end, towards the value to which I go in the will, I must also have a feeling. And, of course, the more depressed a person is, the less he can do what he wants. And here we again fall into the sphere of mental disorders. In the first dimension of will, this is fear, various phobias. They prevent a person from following his will.

The third dimension of the will: that what I want is in line with my own. So that I can see that it is also important for me that it suits me personally.

Let's say a person smokes. He thinks: if I smoke, then I am something of myself. I am 17 years old and I am an adult. For a person at this stage, this is really what suits him. He wants to smoke, he needs it. And when a person becomes more mature, then he may no longer need a cigarette for self-affirmation.

That is, if I identify myself with something, then I can also want. But if something is not important for me personally, then I will say: yes, I will do it, but in fact I will not do it or I will do it with a delay. By the way we do something, we can determine what is important to us. This is a diagnosis of the structures that underlie the will. If I don't identify myself, or if I bypass what I find important, I will again not do the things that, in fact, I would like to do.

And the fourth dimension of will is the inclusion of will in a larger context, in a larger system of interconnection: what I do must make sense. Otherwise I can't do it. If there is no more context. Unless it leads to something where I see and feel it is valuable. Then I won't do anything again.

For a real “want”, 4 structures are needed: 1) if I can do it, 2) if I like it, 3) if it suits me and is important to me, if I have the right to do it, if it is allowed, allowed, 4) if I have a feeling that I should do it because something good will come out of it. Then I can do it. Then the will is well-rooted, grounded, and strong. Because it is connected with reality, because this value is important to me, because I find myself in it, because I see that something good can come of it.

There are various problems associated with the will. We have no practical problems with the will, if we really want something. If we do not have complete clarity in our "want" in terms of one or more of the structures listed - then we are in a dilemma, then I want and still do not want.

I would like to mention two more concepts here. We all know such a thing as temptation. Temptation means that the direction of my will changes and moves in the direction of something that I should not actually do. For example, some good film is shown today, and I need to learn the material - and now, this is a temptation. There is delicious chocolate on the table, but I want to lose weight - again a temptation. The consistent direction of my will deviates from the course.

This is familiar to every person, and this is an absolutely normal thing. This includes other attractive values ​​that are also important. At a certain intensity, temptation turns into seduction. There is still will in temptation, and when there is temptation, then I begin to act. These two things become stronger. the more the need grows in me. If my desire to live is too little nourished, if I experience little good, then the temptations and temptations become stronger. Because we need joy in life, there must be joy in life. We must not only work, we must also experience pleasure. If that's not enough, the easier it is to seduce me.

III

Finally, I would like to present a method by which we can strengthen the will. For example, in some business we need to do our homework. And we say: I will do it tomorrow - not yet today. And the next day nothing happens, something happens, and we procrastinate.

What can I do? We can indeed strengthen the will. If I have a problem and I can't get started, then I can sit down and ask myself: of what value am I saying yes? What is it good for if I write this work? What are the benefits associated with this? I must clearly see what it's good for. In general terms, these values ​​are known, at least you understand them with your head.

And here the second step is risky, namely: I start asking myself “what are the advantages if I don’t do this?”. What will I get if I don't write this work? Then I would not have this problem, my life would have more pleasure. And it may happen that I will find so much valuable that will happen to me if I do not write this work, that I really will not write it.

As a physician, I have worked extensively with patients who wanted to quit smoking. I asked each of them this question. The answer was: “Are you trying to demotivate me? When you ask me what I will gain if I do not quit smoking, then I have so many ideas!” I said, "Yes, that's the reason why we're sitting here." And there were patients who, after this second step, said: “It became clear to me, I will continue to smoke.” Does this mean I'm a bad doctor? I move the patient in the direction that they quit smoking, and I have to motivate them to quit - and I move them in the opposite direction. But this is a small problem if a person says: “I will continue to smoke,” than if he thinks for three weeks, and then continues to smoke anyway. Because I don't have the strength to quit. If the values ​​that he realizes through smoking are attractive to him, he cannot quit.

Such is the reality. Will does not follow reason. The value must be felt, otherwise nothing will work.

And then the third step follows - and this is the core of this method. Let's say in the second step someone decides: yes, it will be more valuable if I write this paper. Then it's about reinforcing the value of what you'll be doing, making it your own. We as therapists can ask: Have you ever experienced it - to write something? Maybe this person has already written something once and experienced a feeling of joy? This can be cited as an example and ask: what was good about it then? I have had many examples of this situation in my practice. Many have told me about writing with negative side: “It feels like a professor is standing behind me, watching what I write and saying:“ Oh, my God! ”. And then people are demotivated. Then you need to separate the book from the professor and write for yourself.

That is, the core is the value in question. You need to feel it, how to bring it inward and correlate it with previous experience. And look for value in a particular mode of action.

And the fourth step: what is it, in fact, good for? What does it make sense? Why am I even doing this? What am I studying for? And the concrete situation goes into a larger context, to a wider horizon. Then I can experience an increase in my own motivation - or not.

I had a friend who, after working on his dissertation for a long time, suddenly remarked that there was no point in writing this dissertation. He was a teacher, and it turned out that he had no interest in pedagogy - he just wanted to get an academic title. But why sacrifice so much time for something that doesn't make sense? Therefore, he internally unconsciously blocked work on his dissertation. His feelings were smarter than his mind.

What practical steps can be taken here? You can’t expect yourself to be able to write everything quickly at once. But you can start with one paragraph. You can take something from some book. That is, we see that we can shape our life. We see it's important to take your life into your own own hands. In problems of will, we can do something too. Namely: to look at the structure of the will. Because if the structures are not followed, then nothing will work out with the will. We can also ask ourselves an open question in relation to some task: what speaks against it? should I really do this? or should I free myself, leave this task? It is in the context of "leave" that the real "want" can arise. As long as I force myself, I will cause a paradoxical reaction.

Man is so free that we want to remain free before ourselves. Thank you very much for your attention."published

@Alfried Lenglet, prepared by Anastasia Hramuticheva

All the advice seems worthwhile to me, and if you apply at least some of them in life, you can bring yourself up to be just another person, free from procrastination.

1. Focus on the causes

Instead of quitting things you don't like, stop for a moment and think. Why do you need to complete this task, and why do you not want to do it?

It must be done because it is good for health, for finances, for your home or for other people. In any case, there is some use in your business, and by doing it, you make the world a little better.

Doing small things is boring and sad, because there is no higher meaning in them. But if you know that you are bringing good to the world, it is much more sublime and interesting.

And yes, no matter how small your task may seem - washing dishes, doing laundry, working out in the gym, you are making yourself better. And because you are part of the world, the world gets better too.

2. Focus on your fear

You may shirk something out of fear. Some fears may not tremble in the knees, but, nevertheless, prevent the completion of the task. You may fear failure, embarrassment, or discomfort while performing a task.

Think about the tasks you keep putting off and don't want to do. Is there fear, what are you afraid of? If you find fear, just accept it as part of yourself, don't run away or hide it.

Conscious fear can disappear if you carefully analyze it and understand the reason for the appearance.

3. Destroy illusions

Very often we are afraid to destroy our comfort. We are all haunted by a false sense of security, a feeling that we are protected from trouble.

We are constantly in danger, every moment. Life is a series of successes and failures, ups and downs, and no one is immune from this.

The fear of destroying your comfort is nothing more than a harmful illusion. Your comfort will be destroyed today, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. So why not destroy it yourself by doing a useful deed?

4. Intention, not result

Remember how you plan new things. First, you sort through all the development options in your head, and completely forget why you are doing this.

Anticipating a negative result, the possibility of future problems, you put off the matter, do not want to do it.

Unless you're a third generation prophet, you can't predict the outcome, so focus on the intention.

5. Welcome challenges

Difficulties are present in the life of every person, without them it is simply impossible. On the other hand, a difficult task completed, a victory over oneself is always a release of endorphins, which means a feeling of satisfaction, happiness, a sense of self-worth.

Welcome difficulties, gladly accept the challenge, and even aspire to such situations. A slight restructuring of your view of the problem, and you already want to do what you were trying to save yourself from before.

6. Set Limits

Somewhere at the end of adolescence, we begin to understand that absolute freedom from business and obligations is possible only among vagrants, although even they need to somehow earn their livelihood and temporary shelter.

We understand that we need an organization, otherwise desires go an incredible distance from opportunities. Therefore, each person needs restrictions that he sets for himself.

Start right now - choose the thing you've been wanting to do for a long time and set a time limit of 10 minutes for it. Just 10 minutes to do it, without being distracted by anything else.

You can even ask a friend or arrange with him to do some unloved things for 10 or more minutes a day.

7. A bit of work and then a break

If you are not drawn into the case immediately, you can do it differently. For example, you decide to write something. Sit down and write one sentence, then get up and walk around the room for a few minutes.

Your thoughts will already be drawn into the process of considering the following proposals. Then sit down and write a paragraph, and break again.

Just don't mix up the same activity, that is, during the break, don't occupy your head with anything else, like browsing sites that are not related to your topic. Instead, you can do some push-ups, stand on the balcony, or make yourself some tea.

Thanks to the breaks, you will very quickly find yourself in the flow, and you will be able to write without looking up from work.

8. Don't let yourself be distracted

Humans are inherently afraid of difficult tasks, and even though you bravely challenged your unloved cause, the mind will try to escape to safe areas.

He will pull you to an entertainment site, try to take you to the store for things that should have been bought a long time ago or something like that. This is normal, he is just trying to do lighter tasks.

Do not do anything that he suggests to you, just watch what thoughts appear in your head, and what urgently important things you will come up with for yourself. After a while, you will calm down and be able to start your really important business.

9. Feel gratitude

Instead of regretting difficult tasks, think about how much they will give you. This point is a natural extension of point #5 and will also help you change your attitude towards the task.

Every challenge that you throw in life, any difficult task makes us stronger, smarter, more experienced. Feel grateful for the chance to become stronger.

You will see, the tasks in this light look completely different, and you begin to enjoy them, instead of being afraid.

10. Learning and growing

We continue to learn throughout our lives, gaining new skills and improving our abilities. When you master one task, it ceases to be difficult, you grow a little and start looking for other tasks to grow.

Agree, the implementation of the next task, after which you will become at least a little better, is great way spend your time.

Alfried Lenglet , a famous Austrian psychotherapist, professor, one of the founders of existential analysis, gave a lecture in Moscow on the topic “Why don’t I do what I want? Making a decision, a method of strengthening the will. The online edition of Matrona.ru publishes the full text of the lecture.

The theme of the will is one that we deal with on a daily basis. We do not even go away from this topic. Every person who is here is here because he wants to be here. No one came here unwillingly. And whatever we do during the day, it is connected with our will. Whether we eat, whether we go to bed, whether we have some kind of conversation, whether we resolve some kind of conflict, we do this only if we have made a decision in favor of this and we have the will to do so.

Maybe we are not even aware of this fact, because we do not say “I want” so often, but we put it in such expressions as “I would like”, “I would do”. Because the wording “I want” conveys something very important. And will is really power. If I don't want to, nothing can be done. No one has power over me to change my will - only myself. In most cases, we are not even aware of this, but intuitively we have a feeling that it is the will that is meant here. Therefore, we say more gently "I would like", "I would like" or simply "I will go there". “I will go to this report” is already a decision. To complete this thought, which was a kind of introduction, I will say: often we do not even realize that every minute we want something.

I would like to divide my report into three parts: in the first part I will describe the phenomenon of will, in the second part I will talk about the structure of the will, and in the third part I will briefly mention the method of strengthening the will.

Will is present in our lives every day. Who is the person who wants? It's me. Only I control the will. Will is something absolutely my own. I identify myself with will. If I want something, then I know it's me. The will represents the autonomy of man.

Autonomy means that I make the law for myself. And through the will, determination itself is at our disposal, through the will I determine what I will do as the next step. And this already describes the task of the will. Will is the ability of a person to give himself a task. For example, I want to continue talking now.

Thanks to the will, I release my inner strength for some kind of action. I invest some strength and give it time. That is, will is an order to perform some action that I give to myself. As a matter of fact, that's all. I give myself permission to do something. And since I want this, I experience myself as free. If my father or professor gives me some assignment, then this assignment is of a different kind. Then I am no longer free if I follow this. Unless I add their commission to my will and say, "Yes, I will do it."

In our life, the will performs an absolutely pragmatic function - for us to come to action. Will is the bridge between the command center in me and the deed. And it's tied to me - because I only have my will. To set this will in motion is the task of motivation. That is, will is very closely related to motivation.

Motivation basically means nothing more than setting the will in motion. I can motivate my child to do his homework. If I tell him why it's important, or if I promise him a chocolate bar. To motivate means to lead a person to want to do something himself. An employee, friend, colleague, child - or yourself. How can I motivate myself, for example, to study for an exam? In principle, by the same means by which I motivate the child. I can think why it matters. And I can promise myself a chocolate bar as a reward.

Let's summarize. First, we have seen that the will is a task that a person gives himself to do something. Secondly, the author of the will is myself. There is only one personal will of mine, in me. "Wants" none other than me. Thirdly, this will is at the center of motivation. To motivate means to set the will in motion.

And this puts a person before finding a solution. We have some kind of assumption, and we are faced with the question: “Do I want it or not?”. I have to make a decision - because I have freedom. Will is my freedom. If I want something, when I am free, I decide for myself, I fix myself in something. If I want something myself, no one forces me, I am not forced.

This is another pole of will - lack of freedom, compulsion. To be forced by some greater power - the state, the police, a professor, parents, a partner who will punish me if something happens, or because it may have bad consequences if I do not do something that the other wants. I can also be forced by psychopathology or mental disorders. This is precisely the characteristic of mental illness: we cannot do what we want. Because I have too much fear. Because I'm depressed and I don't have the strength. Because I'm addicted. And then I will again and again do what I do not want to do. Mental disorders are associated with the inability to follow one's will. I want to get up, do something, but I have no desire, I feel so bad, I'm so depressed. I have remorse for not getting up again. Thus, a depressed person cannot follow what he thinks is right. Or an anxious person cannot go to the exam, although he wants to.

In the will we find the solution and realize our freedom. This means that if I want something, and this is real will, then I have a special feeling - I feel free. I feel that I am not forced, and this suits me. This is again I, which realizes itself. That is, if I want something, I am not an automaton, a robot.

Will is the realization of human freedom. And this freedom is so deep and so personal that we cannot give it away to anyone. We cannot stop being free. We must be free. This is a paradox. Existential philosophy points to this. We are free to a certain extent. But we are not free not to want. We must want. We must make decisions. We have to do something all the time.

If I'm sitting in front of the TV, I'm tired and I fall asleep, I have to make a decision whether to continue sitting because I'm tired (this is also a decision). And if I cannot make a decision, then this is also a decision (I say that I cannot make a decision now, and I do not make any decision). That is, we constantly make decisions, we always have the will. We are always free because we cannot stop being free, as Sartre put it.

And since this freedom is located at a great depth, in the depths of our essence, the will is very strong. Where there is a will, there is a way. If I really want to, then I will find a way. People sometimes say: I don't know how to do something. Then these people have a weak will. They don't really want to. If you really want something, you will walk thousands of kilometers and become the founder of a university in Moscow, like Lomonosov. If I really do not want, no one can force my will. My will is absolutely my own business.

I remember one depressive patient who suffered from her relationship. She constantly had to do something that her husband forced her to do. For example, a husband would say, “Today I will drive in your car because mine ran out of gas.” Then she was forced to go to the gas station and because of this she was late for work. Similar situations were repeated again and again. There were many such examples.

I asked her, "Why not say no?" She replied, “Because of the relationship. I ask further:

But it won't improve the relationship, will it? Do you want to give him the keys?

Me not. But he wants.

Okay, he wants to. What do you want?

In therapy, in counseling, this is a very important step: to see what my own will is.

We talked about it for a bit and she said:

Actually, I don't want to give him the keys, I'm not his maid.

And now there is a revolution in the relationship.

But, she says, I have no chance, because if I don't give him the keys, he will come and take them himself.

But before that, you can take the keys in your hands?

But then he will take the keys from my hands!

But if you don't want to, you can hold them tightly in your hand.

Then he will use force.

Maybe so, he's stronger. But that doesn't mean you want to hand over the keys. He cannot change your will. This can only be done by you. Of course, he can worsen the situation in such a way that you say: I've had enough. All this hurts so much that I no longer want to hold on to my will. It will be better if I give him the keys.

This means that it will be coercion!

Yes, he forced you. But you have changed your will.

It is important that we realize this: that the will belongs only to me and only I can change it, no one else. Because will is freedom. And we humans have three forms of freedom, and they all play a role in connection with the will.

The English philosopher David Hume wrote that we have freedom of action (for example, freedom to come here or come home, this is freedom directed outward).

There is another freedom that is above external forces - this is the freedom of choice, the freedom of decision. I determine what I want and why I want it. Because there is value in it for me, because it suits me, and probably my conscience tells me that it is right - then I decide in favor of something, for example, to come here. This is preceded by freedom of decision. I found out what the topic would be, thought it would be interesting, and I have a certain amount of time, and out of many opportunities to spend time, I choose one. I make up my mind, I give myself a task and realize freedom of choice into freedom of action by coming here.

The third freedom is the freedom of essence, this is intimate freedom. This is a feeling of inner harmony. Deciding to say yes. This "yes" - where does it come from? It is no longer something rational, it comes from some depth in me. This decision, connected with the freedom of the essence, is so strong that it can take on the character of an obligation.

When Martin Luther was accused of publishing his theses, he replied: "That's where I stand and I can't help it." Of course, he could have otherwise - he was a smart man. But this would be so contrary to his essence that he would have the feeling that it would not be him, if he denied it, he would refuse it. These inner attitudes and beliefs are an expression of a person's deep freedom. And in the form of inner consent they are contained in any will.

The question of will can be more complicated. We talked about the fact that will is freedom, and in this freedom it is strength. But at the same time, will sometimes seems to be coercion. Luther can't help it. And in the freedom of decision there is also coercion: I must decide. I can't dance at two weddings. I cannot be both here and at home at the same time. That is, they force me to freedom. Maybe for tonight this is not such a big problem. But what should the will do if I love two women (or two men) at the same time and, moreover, equally strongly? I have to make a decision. For a while I can keep it a secret, hide it so that there is no need to make a decision, but such decisions can be very difficult. What decision should I make if both relationships are very valuable? It can make you sick, it can break your heart. It's the agony of choice.

We all know this in simpler situations: should I eat fish or meat? But it's not so tragic. Today I can eat fish, and tomorrow meat. But there are situations that are unique.

That is, freedom and will are also connected by coercion, obligation - even in freedom of action. If I want to come here today, then I must fulfill all the conditions so that I can come here: go by metro or by car, walk. I have to do something to get from point A to point B. In order to realize my will, I have to meet these conditions. Where is freedom here? This is a typical human freedom: I do something, and I am squeezed by the “corset” of conditions.

But maybe we should define what "will" is? Will is a decision. Namely, the decision to go for some value that you have chosen. I choose between the different values ​​of this evening and choose one and implement it by making a decision. I make up my mind and say my last yes to it. I say yes to this value.

It is possible to formulate the definition of will even more briefly. Will is my inner "yes" to some value. I want to read a book. A book is valuable to me because it is a good novel or textbook that I need to study for an exam. I say yes to this book. Or meeting a friend. I see some value in this. If I say yes, then I am also ready to make some effort to see him. I'm going to him.

Connected with this yes to value is some investment, some contribution, a willingness to pay for it, to do something, to become active. If I want, then I myself go in this direction. This is a big difference compared to just wanting. It is important to make a distinction here. Desire is also a value. I wish myself a lot of happiness, health, to meet a friend, but wishing does not contain a readiness to do something for this myself - because in desire I remain passive, I wait for it to come. I want my friend to call me and I'm waiting. In many things I can only wait - there is nothing I can do. I wish you or myself a speedy recovery. Everything that could be done has already been done, only the value of recovery remains. I tell myself and the other that I see this as a value and I hope it happens. But this is not the will, because the will is to give oneself the commission of some action.

There is always a good reason for will. I had a good reason to come here. And what is the basis or reason for coming here? This is exactly what value is. Because I see something good and valuable in it. And this is a reason for me, an agreement to go for it, maybe take a risk. Maybe it turns out that this is a very boring report, and then I wasted the evening on it. Doing something with the will always involves some risk. Therefore, the will includes an existential act, because I take risks.

There are two points of misunderstanding about the will. Will is often confused with logic, rational in the sense that I can only want what is reasonable. For example: after four years of study, it is reasonable to go to the fifth year and finish your studies. You can't want to stop studying in four years! It's so irrational, so stupid. May be. But will is not something logical, pragmatic. Will springs from a mysterious depth. The will has much more freedom than in the rational beginning.

And the second moment of misunderstanding: it may seem that you can set the will in motion if you give yourself the task - to want. But where does my will come from? It does not stem from my "want". I can't "want to want". I also cannot want to believe, I cannot want to love, I cannot want to hope. And why? Because the will is an order to do something. But faith or love are not actions. I don't do it. It is something that arises in me. I'm not here if I love. We don't even know what ground love falls on. We can't control it, we can't "make" it - so it's not our fault if we love or don't love.

In the case of will, something similar happens. What I want grows somewhere in me. This is not something where I can give myself an assignment. It grows out of me, from the depths. The more the will connects with this great depth, the more I experience my will as something that corresponds to me, the more I am free. And with will comes responsibility. If the will resonates with me, then I live in responsibility. Only then am I truly free. The German philosopher and writer Matthias Claudius once said, "A man is free if he can want what he must."

If this is so, then "to leave" is connected with the will. I must freely leave my feelings - so that I can feel what is growing in me. Leo Tolstoy once said: “Happiness is not about being able to do what you want…”. But doesn't freedom mean that I can do what I want? This is true. I can follow my will and then I am free. But Tolstoy speaks of happiness, not of will: "... and happiness lies in always wanting what you do." In other words, so that you always have an internal agreement in relation to what you are doing. What Tolstoy describes is an existential will. As happiness, I experience what I do, if I experience an internal response in it, an internal resonance, if I say “yes” to this. And I cannot “make” an internal agreement - I can only listen to myself.

What is the structure of the will? I can only want what I can do. It makes no sense to say: I want to remove this wall and walk along the ceiling. Because the will is a mandate to act, and it assumes that I can do it too. That is, the will is realistic. This first will structure.

If we take this seriously, then we must not want more than we can, otherwise we will no longer be realists. If I can't work anymore, I shouldn't demand it of myself. Free will can also leave, let go.

And that's the reason why I don't do what I want. Because I don't have the power, I don't have the ability, because I don't have the means, because I run into walls because I don't know how. Will presupposes a realistic view of what is, on the given. That's why sometimes I don't do what I want.

Also, I don't do something for the reason that I feel fear - then I push it back and put it off. Because I might get hurt and I'm afraid of it. After all, the will is a risk.

If this first structure is not fulfilled, if I really cannot, if I have no knowledge, if I experience fear, then this hinders me.

The second structure of the will. Will is "yes" to value. This means that I must also see the value. I need something that will also attract me. I need to experience good feelings, otherwise I cannot want. I must like the path, otherwise the goal will be far from me.

For example, I want to lose 5 kilos. And I decided to start. 5 kilos less is a good value. But I also have feelings about the path that leads there: I should also enjoy eating less and exercising today. If I don't like it, I won't reach this goal. If I don't have that feeling, then I won't do what I want again. Because the will does not consist solely and only of the mind.

That is, in the end, towards the value to which I go in the will, I must also have a feeling. And, of course, the more depressed a person is, the less he can do what he wants. And here we again fall into the sphere of mental disorders. In the first dimension of will, this is fear, various phobias. They prevent a person from following his will.

The Third Dimension of Will: so that what I want matches my own. So that I can see that it is also important for me that it suits me personally.

Let's say a person smokes. He thinks: if I smoke, then I am something of myself. I am 17 years old and I am an adult. For a person at this stage, this is really what suits him. He wants to smoke, he needs it. And when a person becomes more mature, then he may no longer need a cigarette for self-affirmation.

That is, if I identify myself with something, then I can also want. But if something is not important for me personally, then I will say: yes, I will do it, but in fact I will not do it or I will do it with a delay. By the way we do something, we can determine what is important to us.. This is a diagnosis of the structures that underlie the will. If I don't identify myself, or if I bypass what I find important, I will again not do the things that, in fact, I would like to do.

AND fourth dimension of will is the inclusion of the will in a larger context, in a larger system of interconnection: what I do must make sense. Otherwise I can't do it. If there is no more context. Unless it leads to something where I see and feel it is valuable. Then I won't do anything again.

For a real “want”, 4 structures are needed: 1) if I can do it, 2) if I like it, 3) if it suits me and is important to me, if I have the right to do it, if it is allowed, allowed, 4) if I have a feeling that I should do it because something good will come out of it. Then I can do it. Then the will is well-rooted, grounded, and strong. Because it is connected with reality, because this value is important to me, because I find myself in it, because I see that something good can come of it.

There are various problems associated with the will. We have no practical problems with the will, if we really want something. If we do not have complete clarity in our "want" in terms of one or more of the structures listed - then we are in a dilemma, then I want and still do not want.

I would like to mention two more concepts here. We all know such a thing as temptation. Temptation means that the direction of my will changes and moves in the direction of something that I should not actually do. For example, some good film is shown today, and I need to learn the material - and now, this is a temptation. There is delicious chocolate on the table, but I want to lose weight - again a temptation. The consistent direction of my will deviates from the course.

This is familiar to every person, and this is an absolutely normal thing. This includes other attractive values ​​that are also important. At a certain intensity, temptation turns into seduction. There is still will in temptation, and when there is temptation, then I begin to act. These two things become stronger. the more the need grows in me. If my desire to live is too little nourished, if I experience little good, then the temptations and temptations become stronger. Because we need joy in life, there must be joy in life. We must not only work, we must also experience pleasure. If that's not enough, the easier it is to seduce me.

Finally, I would like to present a method by which we can strengthen the will. For example, in some business we need to do our homework. And we say: I will do it tomorrow - not yet today. And the next day nothing happens, something happens, and we procrastinate.

What can I do? We can indeed strengthen the will. If I have a problem and I can't take action, then I can sit down and ask myself: what is the value of saying "yes"? What is it good for if I write this work? What are the benefits associated with this? I must clearly see what it's good for. In general terms, these values ​​are known, at least you understand them with your head.

And here the second step is risky, namely: I start asking myself “what are the advantages if I don’t do this?”. What will I get if I don't write this work? Then I would not have this problem, my life would have more pleasure. And it may happen that I will find so much valuable that will happen to me if I do not write this work, that I really will not write it.

As a physician, I have worked extensively with patients who wanted to quit smoking. I asked each of them this question. The answer was: “Are you trying to demotivate me? When you ask me what I will gain if I do not quit smoking, then I have so many ideas!” I said, "Yes, that's the reason why we're sitting here." And there were patients who, after this second step, said: “It became clear to me, I will continue to smoke.” Does this mean I'm a bad doctor? I move the patient in the direction that they quit smoking, and I have to motivate them to quit - and I move them in the opposite direction. But this is a small problem if a person says: “I will continue to smoke,” than if he thinks for three weeks, and then continues to smoke anyway. Because I don't have the strength to quit. If the values ​​that he realizes through smoking are attractive to him, he cannot quit.

Such is the reality. Will does not follow reason. The value must be felt, otherwise nothing will work.

And then the third step follows - and this is the core of this method. Let's say in the second step someone decides: yes, it will be more valuable if I write this paper. Then it's about reinforcing the value of what you'll be doing, making it your own. We as therapists can ask: Have you ever experienced it - to write something? Maybe this person has already written something once and experienced a feeling of joy? This can be cited as an example and ask: what was good about it then? I have had many examples of this situation in my practice. Many people have told me about writing in a negative way: “It feels like a professor is standing behind me, watching what I write and saying: “Oh, my God!”. And then people are demotivated. Then you need to separate the book from the professor and write for yourself.

That is, the core is the value in question. You need to feel it, how to bring it inward and correlate it with previous experience. And look for value in a particular mode of action.

And the fourth step: what is it, in fact, good for? What does it make sense? Why am I even doing this? What am I studying for? And the concrete situation goes into a larger context, to a wider horizon. Then I can experience an increase in my own motivation - or not.

I had a friend who, after working on his dissertation for a long time, suddenly remarked that there was no point in writing this dissertation. He was a teacher, and it turned out that he had no interest in pedagogy - he just wanted to get an academic title. But why sacrifice so much time for something that doesn't make sense? Therefore, he internally unconsciously blocked work on his dissertation. His feelings were smarter than his mind.

What practical steps can be taken here? You can’t expect yourself to be able to write everything quickly at once. But you can start with one paragraph. You can take something from some book. That is, we see that we can shape our life. We see the importance of taking your life into your own hands. In problems of will, we can do something too. Namely: to look at the structure of the will. Because if the structures are not followed, then nothing will work out with the will. We can also ask ourselves an open question in relation to some task: what speaks against it? should I really do this? or should I free myself, leave this task? It is in the context of "leave" that the real "want" can arise. As long as I force myself, I will cause a paradoxical reaction.

Man is so free that we want to remain free before ourselves. Thank you very much for your attention.

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The question "Why doesn't the person do it?" tricky. Usually the answer lies in not knowing what to do and how to do it. But today, for the majority of “I want”, search engines give out hundreds of ideas and tips, no matter what it is: from losing weight to finding a vocation. If everything is so simple, then why not take it and do it?

Because the real problem is desire. But how to awaken it is a completely different question.

There are many reasons why people, even with strong motivation, manage to stagnate in one place. Below I present my options and I am sure that familiarity with them will help you move forward.

1. We don't know where to start

This is the first question that should arise when we have any desire. Only I'm not talking about "well, it would be nice", but about what you really want to do.

In this regard, people are divided according to the principle of "if" and "when". The first come up with a thousand conditions in order to start, and the second determine the next deadline.

If the question is “Where to start?” given on time, the process will get off the ground. Would you like to become? Today we sign up for courses, tomorrow we buy paints and canvas. A person is not ready to take minimal actions to realize a desire in only one case - if in fact he did not want it.

The truth is, as the Chinese proverb says, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Is always.

2. We fail to prioritize

Okay, I know where to start. For example, I want to lose weight and I need to start by running. What's next? You need to buy sneakers, arrange with a friend, check the weather forecast ...

You need to get outside and run. Like Forrest Gump. Remember how it was in the movie?

- Why are you doing this?

“I just want to run.

When we have a desire and we decide on the first step, the second, third, fourth and, as a result, a couple of alternatives and distracting maneuvers appear in the head by inertia. Here we get lost and forget what we actually need.

The rule for dealing with this ailment is simple - always bring the first stage of the plan to the end.

Are you about to start? Put on your running shoes and go outside, do a couple of laps around the house. I'm serious right now. If you don’t like it now, with a full charge of motivation, then why would you suddenly like it later? Because you will be running in the stadium wearing your favorite T-shirt? Decide on priorities: try, finish and decide.

3. We make it hard

The favorite phrase of a person who does not want to change anything is "it's not that simple." No matter how much I have asked for examples of what exactly this complex “everything” includes, so far to no avail. Each time it turned out that it was possible to find an alternative and adjust. There would be a desire.

Anything that is broken down into smaller tasks is easier to accomplish. To make myself seem not so easy lose 10 kg, but it's pretty easy to spend 15 minutes a day exercising and eliminating refined sugar from the diet.

I agree, there are situations when we do not complicate everything, but the situation turns out to be really difficult. Then ask yourself: “How to simplify everything?” I will never believe that no alternative can be found.

4. We are afraid

The bricks are used to build a wall around the comfort zone. “I feel good here, so it will be bad outside.” Therefore, everything new is perceived by us with hostility. Based on this, people are divided into two categories.

The first are conservatives. They are afraid to change something, they do not try anything and live in their bubble all their lives. It's fine if he's okay with it. Provided that a person does not want changes, but at the same time achieves what he wants and is happy, the flag is in his hands.

The second are innovators. On the contrary, they are afraid to stop. For them, fear is born in the question “What if I leave everything as it is?”. They are afraid of losing time, health, relationships and therefore put more effort.

In both cases, the person is afraid. Only in the first case, fear makes him stand, and in the second - to move and change.

Ask yourself: “What if I leave everything as it is?” If the answer suits you, congratulations, sign up for a group of happy conservatives. If not, it's time to change something.

These reasons, of course, are by no means exhaustive. I have highlighted the ones that I have come across. I hope they will help you avoid my mistakes.

As athlete Joe Lewis said, "You only live once, but if you do everything right, then that's enough."