S.I. Kronin

THINKING A WINNER
(Introductory workshop to ESL Methodology)

EMBED Photoshop.Image.9 s

"SFERO Publishing House"
Moscow
2004

UDC 316.46.058
BBK 60.56
C 83

Editor
Aina Solntseva

Cronin S.
K 83 Winner's Mind / ESL Methodology. - M .: OOO "SFERO Publishing House", 2004. - 350 p.

ISBN 5-902713-01-3

The Winner's Mind is a long-awaited event in the life of society. The depth, novelty, practicality and detail of the material presented in it are stunning. The breadth of coverage of the material gives an extremely clear understanding of what is happening in the life of each of us - the ability to orientate ourselves very clearly and accurately both in general issues of the life of society and in solving everyday, everyday situations. Acquaintance with the material of the Book is an event in the life of every person who reads it.
The uniqueness of the book is that it is intended not only for specialists, but also for a wide audience of readers who have not previously met with similar branches of knowledge: the simple language and clear structure of information makes understanding the material extremely simple and accessible to everyone.
The book is an edited and carefully selected material of speeches, seminars, trainings and lectures by S. Kronin, conducted by him at different times and for different audiences.
The book will also be extremely useful for psychologists, NLP-am, sociologists, entrepreneurs and top and middle managers ...

UDC 316.46.058
BBK 60.56

© SFERO Publishing House LLC,
2004

ISBN 5-902713-01-3

Foreword
Part 1
ABILITY TO CREATE YOUR OWN WORLD

1.1 To carry good - as the main motive for human actions
1.2 Rejected feelings: "this is inhuman" thank you

He rarely talks about the psychological side of poker, except perhaps on tilt issues. However, the psychological side of the game is actually much deeper. What will be discussed in this article will concern the mindset of the winner.

I said before that at the poker table you should feel like the best player. Of course, I didn't literally mean it. We all know that true poker prowess is very difficult to determine as reliable results require a huge sample. Plus, you don't have to be the best player at the table to make a profit. You just need a few players who are much worse than you.

What I wanted to convey with this statement is the need to have faith or confidence in yourself and in your abilities. You should know that simple self-confidence in this game can take you quite far. Sometimes, when the difference in skill is almost negligible, this is precisely the advantage of the top players. Self-confidence helps you see the game wider and make more logical decisions.

One of the biggest downsides to downswings is the loss of confidence. This is what deprives people of hope for something good and makes them see the future in dull colors. Conversely, when you believe in victory, you will see opportunities and seize them. This can manifest itself in the form of chasing fish at a higher limit, or playing more confidently against the reg in situations where you feel you have an advantage. The winning mindset allows you to think more clearly and believe that you are the best player at the table. So how do you develop this thinking?

It all starts with yourself

First of all, you need confident self-esteem in other aspects of your life, which will eventually spread to poker. In everything you do in life, you must have a very high opinion of yourself (not to the point of narcissism, of course). If you can't do this, try pretending to be so at first until it really is. Your first date or interview will go a lot better if you're not full of negative feelings about ruining everything. Instead, focus your energies on getting things done.

The same goes for poker. Even head over heels in the most severe downswing, you can still sit down at the tables every new day with a smile on your face and the belief that everything will change today. It just depends on your confidence in yourself and your abilities. It can help even when you haven’t had a similar downswing experience. The attitude that you bring with you to the tables depends only on you 100%. And even if you don't have the results to convince yourself that you are the best player, believing in yourself is still better than the despair and expectation of failure that most people start with.

Confidence Breeds Exercise

One of the best ways to develop a winning mindset, even if you haven't had a successful poker background, is through training. Any MMA fighter will tell you that his training is much more difficult than any fight. This allows them to feel more relaxed in combat and focus solely on the psychological aspect of the sport.

It's the same with poker. If you are well prepared in all aspects of the game thanks to the analysis of hands, reading for books, watching the waters, etc., then the game itself will be easy for you. This does not mean that you have to spend all day learning the game. If you have the time to do this, great, but most people don't.

You must make good use of the time you have. That is, if you are parsing a hand database or a session, you should only look for the information you need. If you are watching a training video, take notes and ask the trainer any questions that arise in the forums or in private messages.

All in all, what you need to do is prepare yourself for inevitable success, and once you sit down at the table, you are bound to be a winner.

Developing a Winning Culture

It remains to mention the culture of the winner. By this I mean a successful gameplay experience. Nothing gives you as much confidence in yourself and your abilities as a positive graph over a fairly long distance. You can't argue with facts.

So, you need to start with the limits that you can beat. If in a few weeks or months you still have trouble hitting your playable limit, you may need to consider moving down to a lower limit. One of the biggest ingredients to poker success is controlling your ego. There is always someone who is weaker than you, and there is always someone who is stronger. Look for the first ones and play with them on a regular basis. If you have to play ridiculous limits for this, what can you do.

And of course, follow your progress. If you have serious plans for online poker and still don't use a tracking software, what are you thinking about? One of the main advantages of these programs, among other usefulness, is the ability to track your own results. “I think I’m somewhere at zero” is not a good enough argument. Buy such a program and track your results. And if things are not going the way you would like, do not feed yourself with the illusion that everything is fine, just look at the numbers, they will not lie.

Hope this article was helpful to many. It seems like a small thing, but I can tell from my own experience that when I play my "A-game" with the attitude I described above, I always perform better. Your attitude is something that depends only on you. And when you sit down at the table, it has a huge impact on your decisions and emotional control. Do it for yourself, allow yourself to develop the mindset of a winner, and the result will not keep you waiting long!

Kronin Sergey Igorevich

The depth, novelty, practicality and detail of the material presented in it are stunning. The breadth of coverage of the material gives an extremely clear understanding of what is happening in the life of each of us - the ability to orientate ourselves very clearly and accurately both in general issues of the life of society and in solving everyday, everyday situations. The book is an edited and carefully selected material of speeches, seminars, trainings and lectures by S. Kronin, conducted by him at different times and for different audiences.

The book will also be extremely useful for psychologists, NLP-am, sociologists, entrepreneurs and top and middle managers ...

M .: OOO "SFERO Publishing House", 2004. - 349 pages, ISBN 5-902713-01-3

The circulation is over.

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Foreword

Part 1

ABILITY TO CREATE YOUR OWN WORLD

Chapter 1. The main acquisition of man

1.1 To carry good - as the main motive for human actions

1.2 Rejected feelings: "this is an inhuman" thank you ""

1.3 Ability to receive gratitude

1.4 To learn is not to understand, but to be understood

1.5 What everyone wants

1.6 The main cause of anger

1.7 Skill that fills life

Chapter 2. Creators of their reality

2.1 Ability to express oneself "without distortion"

2.2 The Art of Communication

2.3 Personal life experience of a person is also "handicraft"

2.4 Skill that makes life rich and vibrant

Chapter 3. Historical stage of change of "Culture of Work" to "Culture of Leisure"

3.1 Opening new horizons of life

3.2 Demand of the time - in the modernization of the life experience of everyone

3.3 Global Idea of ​​Progress

3.4 Signs of changing eras

3.5 The reason for the growing problematic in society

3.6 The birth of an Idea of ​​Progress - or a way out of the impasse of problems

3.7 The idea is generated by the society itself, not by individuals

3.8 Ability to feel the breath of the coming era

Chapter 4. Fully Live in the Coming Leisure Culture

4.1 Society of the past - as a production workshop

4.2 Society of Mental Entrepreneurship

4.3 Leisure Culture

4.4 Unity of Skills and Leisure Culture

4.5 Communication Skill - a step into a new time

4.6 When demand does not find offers or - substitution of goals ...

4.7 The task of the ESSL is to help people adapt to a new stage in the development of society

Chapter 5. Acquisition of Skills: Helping to Realize Your Individuality

5.1 What does Skill bring to a person's daily work?

5.2 Why organizations "shake" or what happens at work

5.3 "Healing" approach and internal conflict: the need to adapt organizations and the work itself to a new stage in the life of society

5.4 Who, how and why forms the conditions of our life

5.5 Who and why supports the myth about the correctness of the "Culture of Work"

5.6 "The ones who" shake us ""

5.7 Business as an Ability to shape the face of an organization: image is the main product

5.8 When the meaning of work is lost

5.9 Achilles' heel of the "kings of the gray world"

5.10 The new face of the business world / conclusion /

Part 2

THE ABC OF THE ABILITY OF COMMUNICATION

Chapter 1. Basic Principles of Communication Skills

1.1 About the harmony of the new world

1.2 Task one: get rid of everyday problems

1.3 Communication Skill: transition from physical to mental interactions

1.4 This addicting game is Communication ...

1.4.1 Basic Rules of the Game

1.4.2 The main stages of the Communication Game

1.5 The 4 Stages of Perfect Communication

1.5.1 Stage I: preparation of communication

1.5.2 Stage II: entry into communication

1.5.3 Stage III: target communication - achieving the result of communication

1.5.4 Stage IV: Completion of Communication

1.6 "Getting Started"

Chapter 2. School of Wizards / practical techniques /

2.1 Introduction: Why We Need Tricks

2.2 Human Body Blocks: how to create the desired mood of the interlocutor in a couple of minutes

2.2.1 What are "Body Blocks" of a person

2.2.2 How to Use the Body Block Control Technique

2.2.3 Examples

2.3 Hand movements - control of the interlocutor's sincerity

2.4 "Hand movements" and "Body Blocks" - as anticipatory control of communication: the real state of the interlocutor

2.5 Top and Bottom Adjustment

2.5.1 What is "social adjustment"

2.5.2 Criteria for "tweaking": the foundation of self-esteem and the right to one's own opinion

2.5.3 Technique for creating tuning "from above"

2.5.4 Harmonious adjustment "from above" in the communication process

2.6 Spatial coordinate system

2.6.1 What is "Spatial Coordinates" of a person

2.6.2 Spatial Coordinates in Communication: The Ability to Think Freely

2.7 Ownership of the Physical Territory of Communication

2.8 The principle of "pointing": make the interlocutor accommodating

2.9 Directing communication roles

2.9.1 Examples

2.10 "Hanging up valuables": when the environment gives you strength

2.11 "Power point of space"

2.11.1 What is "Power point of space"

2.11.2 Using the "Power point of space"

2.11.3 Example

2.12 The Mirror Principle and Sociotypes: Arouse the Admiration of Your Opponent

2.12.1 Sociotypes and models of interaction with each of them

2.12.2 Technique "Mirror" or - "choose your face"

2.13 Criteria and objectives: attitude towards the result of the conversation

2.13.1 Emotions of achieving results

2.13.2 Formation of the desired attitude of the interlocutor to the result

2.14 Ending Communication: Save Your Face

2.15 General Algorithm of Communication, or "now everything in order"

2.16 May the road ahead bring joy / general recommendations /

A story without secrets: this is how ESSL was born / instead of a conclusion /

The Winner's Mind is a long-awaited event in the life of society. The depth, novelty, practicality and detail of the material presented in it are stunning. The breadth of coverage of the material gives an extremely clear understanding of what is happening in the life of each of us - the ability to orientate ourselves very clearly and accurately both in general issues of the life of society and in solving everyday, everyday situations. Acquaintance with the material of the Book is an event in the life of every person who reads it.

The uniqueness of the book is that it is intended not only for specialists, but also for a wide audience of readers who have not previously met with similar branches of knowledge: the simple language and clear structure of information makes understanding the material extremely simple and accessible to everyone.

The book is an edited and carefully selected material of speeches, seminars, trainings and lectures by S. Kronin, conducted by him at different times and for different audiences.

The book will also be extremely useful for psychologists, NLP-am, sociologists, entrepreneurs and top and middle managers ...

Foreword

For a long time, the society is full of rumors and myths about RSI and ESSL; in certain circles it is even difficult to find a person, even if only in passing, “out of the blue”, who has not heard anything about these branches of breakthrough knowledge. But even greater myths arise around the very techniques and methods of this direction; sometimes myths about the effects that ESSL and RSI produce in the lives of people who have acquired knowledge seem to be mystical. Moreover, myths, rumors, legends are constantly increasing, growing, expanding ... Some people are frightened by these myths, the second admire, the third seem to be a secret or unrealistic fiction. But, as they say, there is some truth in every fairy tale. And to make it clear what is myth and what is true, "SFERO Publishing House" starts publishing this series of books "Methodology of ESL".

This Book is an edited and carefully selected material of speeches, seminars, trainings and lectures by S. Kronin, conducted by him at different times and for different audiences. In the process of creating the Book "Thinking of the Winner", a huge amount of audio and video recordings, transcripts accumulated over the past years have been processed; these materials made it possible to make the information in the Book alive - as if to create the feeling of the reader's presence directly at the seminars, more precisely, at its most important points.

The book "Thinking of a Winner" is a "squeeze" of the main points that were heard in different years at the "first stage of the ESL" - an introductory seminar to methodology. And naturally, this Book reflects only the most significant points, principles and basic techniques - which means that a huge part of less significant information, nuances, secondary techniques and principles for technical reasons were not included in this book. But even on the basis of the material below, the Book gives a holistic idea of ​​what the first stage of the ESL is, and also - what is especially important - what the ESL does: it makes it possible to feel the full scale of this event.

The uniqueness of the Book lies in the fact that it is aimed at the ordinary reader who has never encountered such branches of knowledge before: a person who is immersed in solving work problems, family issues - and has never even heard anything about the existence of such sciences, especially about their purpose. to improve his life. The orientation towards an ordinary person of this Book is especially important because a huge amount of literature in the field of psychology, NLP, sociology, although it contains useful knowledge, but abounds in special "industry terms" - which makes such books incomprehensible and irrelevant for the majority, and automatically excludes their understanding for a person who does not have prior training. This means that the "language barrier" makes it impossible for most people to recognize and use this amazing knowledge; the overwhelming majority do not even suspect what tremendous benefits and influence these branches of knowledge can bring, how many oppressive questions they can practically get rid of.

This book in a simple language, accessible to everyone's understanding, provides answers to questions that continuously arise in the daily life of a modern person - it gives an understanding of why specific situations arise and what to do with them.

A simple language and an easy form of presentation of the material opens the eyes of an ordinary person to new opportunities for ways and means of self-realization in a living, real society - starting from the place of work, the living conditions in which he is today. And this is also her special dignity: she is not divorced from real life.

As a result of reading the Book, a person's eyes seem to open: a person receives an extremely clear understanding of the reasons for what he is facing - the ability to make decisions at a qualitatively new level; not only that, the book provides him with the tools to implement these “informed” decisions. Many people, who first got acquainted with this knowledge, admit that they do not even know how they lived before; compare this with the fact that before they walked with their eyes closed to the touch - and suddenly opened their eyes. It is difficult to overestimate the emotional uplift when a person realizes that from a confused and dark picture of the world around him, suddenly there is an extremely clear vision of the "surrounding area" and the roads around: as if the night had ended and the sun had risen - now you can move towards what you want without stumbling or bumping ...

We hope that the Winner's Mind Book, the first in the ESSL Methodology series, will be the first step towards debunking the myths and rumors about ESSL and RSI; the first step to a real understanding of what it is, what tasks it solves, what the ESL is intended for. And most importantly - what a colossal significance this knowledge has in a person's life today. After all, any Great Path begins with the first small step. Let this book be the first step towards realizing your desires and hopes!

This concludes the Preface and invite you to your first acquaintance with ESSL: reading "The Winner's Mind".

Read and become Winners in life - in a new coming era: acquire the Ability to manage Your Life the way you want it ...

So, on the Good Path and pleasant reading….

Editorial team

Part 1. ABILITY TO CREATE YOUR OWN WORLD

Chapter 1. The main acquisition of a person

1.1. Be good as the main motive for human actions

We begin the first seminar of the ESL / Effective Becoming of a Social Personality / "Communication Fundamentals" course with an introductory lecture. Its task is to clarify what we will learn at the first ESL seminars, including this one.

That is, first, let's define the basic Skill that you will have after completing the initial course of seminars - what is called the "Bronze Level" in ESSL. By the way, anyone interested in the structure of the ESL and its full tasks, I recommend that you familiarize yourself with the book "SFERO" / Cronin. S.I. "Sphero: laws of the formation of events" Ed. "KSP +" M. 2004 /, in which the methodology is quite fully defined, but now we will speak only at the level of knowledge of this seminar.

Let's immediately analyze a few examples that clearly demonstrate the problems that each person faces in their daily life - for ease of understanding, let's take elementary life situations.

For example, a woman is preparing dinner: she wants to feed her family, in other words, her desire is for the people close to her to be fed. A man works a lot: it is natural that, on the one hand, he wants to earn more money, but his desire is for his family to be better off and live better. The mentor, it would seem, is unnecessarily demanding of the student, it is natural that he wants the student to better master the educational material - after all, the teacher's desire is for his student to become an excellent specialist. Please note that in all cases, a person wants to do a specific action, but at the same time he is driven by his inner desire take care about others - to make the life of loved ones and dear people more comfortable, wealthy, happy.

And now let's think about what each of the above people really does that is hidden from the eyes of others - what does each of them sincerely and sincerely put into their actions?

So, a woman preparing dinner, in this seemingly ordinary and familiar process of cooking, puts a piece of her love and care for household members. A man who wears himself out at work for the sake of improving the well-being of his family shows a truly colossal will, and in this form of his own overexertion he invests love and care for his family in the process of “making money” - he is worried about their future and a decent standard of living. The mentor, in the form of excessive exactingness, gives his own strength, knowledge, time - overcomes his own inconveniences for the sake of the future student - we can say that in this way he invests a part of himself in the student.

In other words, behind the outwardly ordinary, everyday actions of these people, something more is hidden: each of them seems to donate his feelings, strength, time to others. Perhaps, in order for a person to do these actions, he has to somehow infringe upon himself for the sake of the well-being of others - which, in fact, may even be an inner feat.

1.2. Rejected feelings: "this is an inhuman" thank you ""

Thus, we can say that even in his everyday, everyday actions, a person sacrifices to others the best that he himself has: he donates exactly what he has, and in the way he is able and knows how to do it - but he always does it sincerely and from a pure heart.

What do you think, in response to their sincere actions, all these people expect from those to whom they devote their care? In other words, what kind of reaction from those around them would they like to receive? And what do they really get?

Of course, none of them consciously think about it, otherwise their actions would not be sincere. But internally, sacrificing themselves - their strength, time - in the process of cooking, making money or learning, they would like to receive ordinary sincere gratitude in return. And not at all for food, money or knowledge, but for how much strength, feelings and inner warmth they put into their actions. It is simply enough for them that those around them realize what moved them - they appreciate the love, the warmth that they conveyed to them in the form of food, means and knowledge. The most interesting thing is that these people do not need more: just a sincere understanding of what feelings moved them.

But, unfortunately, the reality is that often instead of sincere gratitude, expressed simply in relation to - a look, intonation, emotions - they receive a formal “thank you”, often without any reciprocal sincerity. A woman hears “thank you” from loved ones, but immediately after that she sees how dismissively they eat the dinner she has prepared: for example, they are enthusiastically watching TV, automatically chewing food. A man brings the money he earned, hears the same formal "thank you" and sees how the money is automatically sent "to the bedside table." That is, everyone receives a formal "thank you", but, in fact, neglect, to the best of the years, an established habit: as if it should be so.

Unfortunately, society is arranged in such a way that a person cannot show others his feelings otherwise than through some external form of action: work, conscientious performance of duties, words and other external actions. And, unfortunately, people around often see only the external form - only actions - but do not even know what drives the person. A person does not want a formal assessment of external actions - he copes with his duties "good" or "bad" - but unconsciously wants those around him to appreciate the victim of his internal feelings. And, again, unfortunately, almost never a person receives sincere gratitude from those to whom his best feelings are directed, expressed even through the most ordinary affairs and duties.

But sincere gratitude is, first of all, an attitude that is expressed in a response: a person does not want praise, approval or a prize - he wants the person to respond in the same way with his feelings. We can say that a person wants recognition of his inner sacrifice, expressed by others, as its deep understanding and sincere acceptance - as awakening their best feelings about a person.

Thus, doing something, a person sincerely wants others to notice, accept and appreciate the inner forces that a person gives to them - his sincere and deep sensual sacrifice - and behave in accordance with what the person gave them.

And again, if a person sincerely sacrifices to others the best that he has inside, then he cannot tell them about it; all the more, he cannot outwardly demand gratitude from them (if this happens, then the sincerity of feelings is lost - what is commonly called "manipulation of feelings" takes place). Only when those around them themselves and voluntarily appreciate the sacrifice that a person makes to them, they are able to truly experience gratitude. They must themselves understand, see, realize and notice what a person really gives them; the person himself can only hope for this insight and ... wait. And again, unfortunately, many do not manage to wait for the moment when those around them will be able to look beyond the formal actions and responsibilities that a person performs for them - and see him as he really is.

1.3. Ability to receive gratitude

But the situation is not really hopeless: you can get the Skill that will allow you to see those around you as you really are - as you know yourself. It is no secret that how a person sees himself and how others perceive him - these images are usually significantly different.

We will continue to explain this Ability, but for now, just note that it is this Ability - which allows others to see you as real behind the whole string of external duties and deeds - that we call the Art of Communication; But more on that later.

But what happens to a person who sincerely gives others a piece of himself, but in response hears only formal assessments? Inside him there is a feeling of incomprehensibility, loneliness - resentment against others arises: he just gets tired of waiting for gratitude. As a result, this leads to what are called internal conflicts, crises, a feeling of uselessness, and often expressed in anger.

It is the lack of understanding by those around him of the internal sacrifices for them and their invalidity that is the reason for most of the breakdowns, aggression: a person boils up resentment, there is a desire to take revenge on others for the fact that he wanted to give them all the best that he had - and in return received neglect ... And the more subtle a person's inner world, and the stronger his feelings - his inner sensory potential - the more asocial this inner crisis can manifest itself. Moreover, an insult that has a destructive nature can be directed both at others, for example, crimes, and at oneself: this is what is commonly called somatic diseases.

In this regard, it should be noted that initially evil, aggressive and bad people do not exist: it is the lack of the Ability to receive gratitude from others that makes them so.

I will note again, so that there is no confusion: sincere gratitude is expressed by the sincere recognition of others that a person has sacrificed them, the awakening of their best feelings in response - and manifests itself as an attitude, actions, deeds. We can say that gratitude manifests itself as a sincere and voluntary desire of others to return to you in abundance those feelings, love, warmth that you gave them.

1.4. Study- do not understand, but- to be understood

When a person realizes that he cannot shout out to others and is looking for a way out, then he turns to specialists - as a rule, to psychologists. Many psychologists who work individually or conduct various seminars and trainings, including in the field of communication, urge, first of all, to learn to listen and understand others: to learn to empathize, accept and love others. The goals are really good ...

Let's dwell on this moment. So, you suffer from the fact that, instead of sincere gratitude, you receive cold and formal “thanks” from others, and, in fact, contempt for what you give them. When you come to a specialist, he tells you that the reason for this is that you do not know how to listen to others. So what happens? A person comes and says: "Help me, I am unhappy - people around do not see me and do not appreciate me." To which the specialist replies: "You are not just unhappy - you are also deaf!" In other words, a person is convinced that if he himself begins to understand those around him, then they will begin to understand him. But, as life shows, this is not a fact.

To be able to listen is of course important. But what torments a person is not that he does not hear, but that he is not heard! He is also invited to learn what is diametrically opposite to his application - the opposite of why he came. Just think: how can a person listen to anyone at all, if he is already tormented by internal resentments and conflicts? What kind of empathy and understanding can we talk about when he is about to break through this "boil of resentment", ripening for many years in the form of bitterness? Until a person begins to receive a sincere assessment of his actions by others, thus resolving his long-term internal claims and grievances, he will not be at all up to those around him: the only person he can empathize with is himself.

Imagine that you are tormented by a dislocated leg, and you come to the doctor so that he can correct the dislocation for you. To which the doctor says to you: "This happened because you have weak ligaments, therefore, right now, we will train them and for this we will learn to run - and right now we will try to run a kilometer!" Fortunately, our medicine is more humane; but, I think, the analogy between physiological and mental trauma, as well as methods of healing from it, you have noticed.

It should also be noted that many psychologists are excellent at listening to others. And how many psychologists can really say that clients - whom they listened to sincerely and diligently - really appreciated the feat and the sacrifices and feelings they gave them? Again, unfortunately, for the session or training, the person gives the due amount, says a formal “thank you” or “you are a very cool specialist” and leaves, completely forgetting who helped him. It is necessary to understand that if in arithmetic there is a rule that "the sum does not change from a change in the places of the terms", then in life the situation is somewhat different ...

1.5. What every person wants

We talked about the fact that it is simply necessary to develop the Ability - to evoke sincere recognition of you by those around you; of course, in parallel, but not earlier than this Ability you have, you should learn to be more attentive to others.

But we've only looked at three of the simplest examples; let's take more difficult situations in life. For example - people who are busy and passionate about some kind of occupation and, it would seem, live only by their own interests: take, for example, a young man who is just entering life; and a successful businessman who has not yet started a family.

The young man is studying at the university, having fun, attending discos. A businessman is completely immersed in business, but at the same time acquires real estate, increases his fortune, expands his business. At first glance, it may seem that they live only for themselves and for their own pleasure. But this is not the case.

Consider the young man first. It is extremely important for him to look in line with fashion, to know modern musical trends - to be not the last person among his peers, both externally and in taste. Let's dwell on the exterior. The question arises: why does he spend so much effort and money, which he does not have so much, on clothes and accessories? Someone will say that this is youth, a sexual instinct ... But this is only the outer side: of course, the more cool he looks, the more attention he enjoys from the opposite sex. It's no secret that young people change partners quite a lot. Now look at this moment, not as a "riot of the flesh", but as a kind of a kind of search process: after all, sooner or later this "rampage" will end, and he will connect his life with someone alone. We can say that a young man chooses from all the variety of people around him exactly who he needs to create a family.

And then the quality of his appearance takes on a slightly different meaning: the young man tries to express as fully as possible what he is inside. In other words, first of all, through his appearance, he seeks to shout to those around him about who he really is. It is to the appearance that potential partners react and, thus, immediately either accept or reject his inner world.

Therefore, the desire to look appropriate is, first of all, an attempt to give surrounding peers information about who he is and what he is like inside: what is interesting inside him. And the partner who understands him better and is able to accept and appreciate with gratitude what he does for him and what he sacrifices, and causes the greatest recognition.

When the choice is made, everyday life begins. The first romance passes - when young people lived an insane delight from each other on how fully they understood each other's inner worlds and feelings. Everyday worries and affairs begin - as a result, they get used to the fact that each of them performs some kind of duties in everyday life, and the feeling of gratitude to each other is lost. We can say that they just get used to the fact that each of them is obliged to do something for the other - and take it for granted, familiar and mundane. It is this moment that is usually called what “everyday life jams”.

In fact, those relationships that were originally between people can not only be preserved, but also constantly developed. The secret is not only to see a loved one behind your everyday duties, but also to continuously develop the ability to evoke sincere mutual gratitude: to constantly improve the art of communication within the family. Moreover, to do this is mutual: then there will be no offense, no reproaches that someone “gave the best years of life - but received indifference”, no everyday conflicts, the cause of which, again, for the most part, it is precisely the resentment accumulated over the years for the invalidity of one's own individuality - those inner forces, the best feelings that were sincerely donated to a loved one.

If we talk about how spouses, if each of them will cause gratitude to the other, will be able to empathize with each other, hear each other - then this will happen automatically: when a person responds to you with gratitude, and you see this, then in response you are born the feeling he was meeting. And this is a continuous, ever-increasing process. It is thanks to him that you can still meet married couples of very old age who have lived together for more than a dozen years - and over time, their relationship, feelings for each other only intensified.

But back to the young man: the desire to look better than others, to be more modern and to express one's individuality vividly is an attempt in this way to show that potential, those inner strengths, feelings and qualities that he is able to give to his chosen one. Simply put, it is by his appearance that a young man shows what he has and what he is ready to sacrifice for the sake of whoever he chooses. You can also say this: young people seem to demonstrate to each other those inner qualities that they are ready to invest in caring for who will be their companion. It is like a continuous bridegroom: everyone demonstrates what he is ready to give - and demands the same from a potential partner. That is, every young man is looking for a person with whom he is able to exchange feelings on an equal footing - an equal to himself in the inner world, feelings.

Now consider the example of a businessman. We can say that the process is similar to that which we described with the example of a young man. The only difference is that a businessman accumulates the potential with which he can, as it were, reward his chosen one.

Naturally, this action is directed towards the future: his concern for a partner, who even though he is not at the present moment of his life, consists in the fact that he prepares in advance for his chosen one the best conditions - those that he can give. It is in this way that he expects to surprise, amaze his future chosen one - and shout to him: he expects that the "high-class family nest" prepared by him will help the chosen one to appreciate him at its true worth. And, of course, it is not the luxurious house, funds or cars itself that can be appreciated - but he expects from the chosen one the recognition of his own inner qualities that made it possible to achieve all this: that the chosen one will be sincerely grateful for how much the person wanted to find his “other half”, as I sincerely looked for her and prepared for a meeting with her - and how he made sure in advance that his "other half" did not need anything.

1.6. The main cause of anger

We can keep going through example after example, looking at one situation after another. But I think this is useless - the main idea is already clear: there are no people who do not care about anyone at all. And the reason for most of the problems is rooted in the fact that a person does not have the Ability to do this (and even an idea of ​​how this can be done) so that others would appreciate his inner sacrifice, heroism and the qualities that he gives them - and feel sincere gratitude. - adequately appreciated his present with his inner world. Thus, his sincerity and inner efforts remain unappreciated and unrecognized - which year after year accumulates a person's resentment towards others.

Let us briefly note one more point concerning people who, in one form or another, by their asocial behavior bring harm to others - they commit illegal actions, violate the law, etc. In connection with the above, I think it becomes clear that this category of people is people whose feeling of rejection and uselessness, invalidity has reached its limit and has gone into external actions. What they do is a form of protest against the indifference of those around them. Just like an offended child breaks toys and ruins things in order to shout to his parents. The principle works: rate me in any way - if you do not want to rate me as good, I will make you rate me as bad. But in any case, it is difficult to find a criminal or tyrant who sincerely would not want to do something good for a person who is not indifferent to him and receive his gratitude - but has lost hope. But this, as they say, is an extreme and, often, no longer amenable to correction, a crisis situation.

Therefore, let's look at the moment that almost every person has to deal with constantly and which relates to what is commonly called conflicts between people. It is also a form of protest against others, who have accumulated resentment for indifference to a person's inner sacrifices, but expressed not in illegal or cruel actions - but in a less ominous form: in a cry, a showdown ...

Nevertheless, it is also an explosion of internal resentment - and, as a rule, directed at someone who was the object of care yesterday. It's just that a person, trying to give the best of what he has inside, to another, is tired of waiting for the moment when the "object of care" will see clearly - he did not have enough patience. And then, in the form of a conflict, he tries to prove to the person that he is wrong, that he did not understand him.

At the same time, in both the first and second cases, which is paradoxical, the direction of the cruel actions or the subject of the conflict can be anything: hiding behind some formal question, an external action, in reality the person accuses the other of insensitivity. This happens similarly to the process outlined above, when a person tries to convey his attitude to another by clearly fulfilling his duties, actions and deeds - hoping that a person will be able to see further than the formal outer side. That is, in the same way as a person, through external actions, seemingly outwardly unrelated to his internal sacrifices, tries to arouse gratitude from others - similarly, protest is expressed. For example, a parent, driven to a breakdown by misunderstanding and disrespect of a child, arranges for him to be thrashed for a "bad grade" at school or an uncleaned room.

That is, a conflict or antisocial behavior always has an external formal reason, but in reality it is a cry of unrecognition - an expression of deep resentment. By the way, the mechanism of these processes is very similar to how the baby, not receiving the attention of the parents, begins to scream and cry, but as soon as the parents come up and pay attention to him, he calms down. Similar, albeit much more complicated, occurs in the case of conflicts.

1.7 Skill that Fills Life

Thus, we talked a lot about what a person is looking for and wants to get by interacting with others. Even, as it seems to me, we managed to clarify what kind of Skill we are going to develop at these seminars; that when we say the Art of Communication, we mean precisely the Ability to make one's inner efforts, feelings and "sacrifices" available to the vision of others - and to evoke their sincere gratitude expressed by appropriate actions.

This, I hope, is understandable; and also hope you appreciated my inner efforts and understood the question that I was trying to explain to you regarding the Skill that you will acquire.

But you know, Skill is a skill, but I think it's worth touching on those effects that the acquisition of this Skill causes. I no longer mean inner peace and harmony, but actual results. Moreover, as you know, our system is aimed precisely at actually improving your life. This means that the criterion for the effectiveness and mastering of the material is not a subjective opinion that something has changed in general terms in your life, but the actual results: these are the changes that are visible to the people around you. For example, what position did you hold before these seminars and how did you progress up the career ladder; whether the main problems that worried you before the seminar have actually been resolved and, if they have been solved, then - how, and what is happening in this area; which car did you drive before the seminars - and which car do you drive after, etc.

I would like to note that the very first seminar will not keep you waiting long for actual improvements in life. If you have enough of them, then you can stop at this and attend seminars; if you want more, then we have a long way to realize ourselves and our inner world in society. In the course of the seminar, I will give examples from practice - fortunately, the program has existed for more than five years and has accumulated a rich baggage of "miracles" that happened to the listeners after the seminars and practical classes. But this is more so that you are aware of the possible changes that occur after the acquisition of the Skill.

But still, let's consider the effects that this Skill gives not only in personal life - but what good, you will get the impression that we are here exclusively dealing with issues of upbringing and family life. It was just that using these examples it was easier to explain the principle of what you will learn - the most simple and understandable description of the Skill you acquire.

So, those are the effects that the Art of Communication - or Skill - causes when it enters the sphere of your career. I would like to note that this is why it is a Skill, which begins to manifest itself in all areas of your life - and brings effects at the same time in everything that you do. And professional activity - career - today does not occupy the last place in a person's life.

By the way, there is nothing reprehensible or bad in career growth itself. Remember the words of Suvorov: "A bad soldier who does not want to become a general!" I will paraphrase: “The janitor who does not want to become the mayor is bad”; or - "The employee is bad who does not want to become a director." I just ask you to note: he wants to become - but he acts quite honestly and morally, and does not “pry” the authorities, - I ask you not to confuse and not to misunderstand me.

So - about what begins to happen at work and in professional affairs. Well, first of all, they start to understand you. This does not mean that you are pitied or written off for your good intentions and mistakes, but that they begin to appreciate and respect you as a person. For example, if you were previously ignored, now they are paying attention to you.

Introduction.

The poker mindset is responsible for the way you feel about your professional activity - the game. As you pay attention to the patterns that govern your mental state, whether it is poker or your personal life, you begin to realize the impact that state has on your decision-making algorithm. By identifying these patterns, you can begin to develop your thinking and, as a result, achieve better results.

Many players scrupulously hone their strategy, but completely forget about the importance of working on the psychological components of the game: tilt, stress, loss of motivation, and so on.

Classification of levels of thinking.

1. Level I - the mindset of the recreational player;

At this level, the player is guided and evaluates his game solely by its results: winning is good, but losing is bad.

1. Level II - thinking focused on creating + EV situations;

The player does not think about anything other than creating spots in which the EV of his actions will have a high mathematical expectation.

1. Level III - thinking, which includes both the creation of + EV-situations, and work on the development of your personality.

At the third level of thinking, the player is concerned not only with his game, but also with the development of himself: acquiring good habits, regular exercise, healthy eating, meditation, and maintaining the required level of motivation. Simply put, the higher the level of development of your personality, the easier it will be for you to work on your game and achieve the desired results.

How to get to the third level of thinking?

To move to the third level of thinking, you must ask the "future self" - the player who has achieved the set goals: " What actions need to be taken now to become more successful and better? "

The answers to this question can be, for example, the following:

1. "Dedicate X hours of work weekly at Flopzilla";
2. "Start exercising regularly";
3. "Increase the frequency of check-raising";
4. "Monitor your diet and sleep."

Create a checklist with answers to the questions posed and use it as your daily motivation. If you clearly see your goals, then it will be much easier for you to overcome obstacles on the way to them.

I also recommend that you consider the scenario of your "perfect day". Think about how you would like to see your best day, during which you feel great from early morning until late at night, and thanks to which your work, both at and outside tables, reaches its peak of its effectiveness. Make a note of all the things you do that make your day a wonderful one, then compare the scenario of that “perfect day” with the real day and highlight the areas that need to be changed.

The main condition for achieving success.

A strict timetable for your working day is essential to becoming a successful player. For example, your daily plan may look like this: 5 hours for practice at the tables, an hour for examining hands, half an hour for watching a video, an hour for playing sports, and so on. By sticking to your daily routine, you will know exactly when you can move to the next level of your development.

At first glance, it might seem that players who play solidly will succeed faster than those who devote a lot of time to theory in addition to playing, but this is not at all the case. In reality, the player who devotes time to activities outside the tables will definitely catch up and surpass the one who grinds 24/7.

What you most don't want to do is most likely exactly what you need to do in the first place. It is this resistance that usually justifies the fear that prevents you from moving towards success. Therefore, whatever you put off, it might be exactly what you need to do to get to the next level. Face your fear.