"I am 25 years old. Remembering my whole life, starting from a young age, I realize that this entire period of time was filled with grief and sadness for me. I can't even remember if there were any joyful days in my life. It seems like no... So, I think, why did the Lord allow all these misfortunes for me?” - these are the lines of their letter to our reader, and there are quite a few similar letters.

Disappointment, sadness, pain and loneliness - each of us experiences all of this sooner or later. “How could God allow this tragedy to happen? For what?" - many people ask. Most of us understand that no events in our lives happen by chance, and God is not just an indifferent witness to human fate.

The Bible has this promise: “All things work together for good to those who love God” (Romans 8:28). All? Even suffering and sorrow? This is difficult to believe if we do not understand the true purpose of the trials we encounter.

First, trials test our character. Weaknesses hidden in the depths of our souls may never come to light unless we are put to the test. Scientists have designed special instruments that can measure the strength of different materials. Some are tested in tension, others in compression, and others are tested by repeated twisting. Only after such careful testing are they recommended for mass production. The Lord is looking for characters that can withstand all tests. Pressure, tension, any other test helps us determine who we really are. And in all our experiences, let us remember that Christ understands our suffering, since He Himself went through many trials. “As a father has mercy on his sons, so the Lord has mercy on those who fear Him. For He knows our composition; He remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13, 14).

God's design is that hardships help shape our character. Our wayward and stubborn life is subjected to blows only in order to ennoble it, just as a fiery furnace refines valuable ore. The inevitability of the experiences and trials that we have to endure shows that the Lord Jesus sees something precious in us that He wants to develop. Otherwise, why waste time on our cleansing?

Probably, each of us has encountered people who, under ordinary circumstances, seem weak and incapable of great deeds, but under difficult conditions they suddenly reveal a strong character. The Lord would like to see that trials do not break us, but strengthen us.

A butterfly in a cocoon is helpless and weak, but, trying to break out of the cocoon, it gradually gains strength, and each new jerk multiplies this strength. Try to help a butterfly get out of its bonds, and it will die. A butterfly can exist and develop only by testing its strength. If in days of severe adversity we trust in God with all our hearts, then the most sorrowful moments for us can turn out to be moments of the highest spiritual takeoff.

There is a well-known saying: “In misfortune there are no atheists.” It has been noted that during a war or at any other time of trouble, church attendance increases sharply: in their weakness, people turn to the Lord so that He will strengthen them. Adversity often awakens a person's need for God, so it is not surprising that He allows us to suffer. A person who believes only in the power of money may not know God and lose salvation if his wealth does not end. The worker may not realize that his welfare depends on the blessing of God unless he suddenly finds himself in danger of unemployment. God does not send us misfortunes - these are the machinations of Satan, but the Lord allows problems to come into our lives so that we turn to Him - the loving Heavenly Father.

Because we cannot see our problems as God sees them and cannot understand them as He understands, we sometimes doubt God's love. But when we look at our trials from God's point of view, then we perceive them as Divine instruments through which He lovingly and carefully prepares us for eternity. When temptation seems unbearable, we must remember that God gives a test to everyone according to his strength and “When you are tempted, He will also make a way for you to be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Let us thank God for the difficulties that help us grow to become like Him. As, for example, we look at sorrow, which makes us compassionate; pain, which adds to our patience; a problem that makes us think; criticism that forces us to examine ourselves? All these and thousands of other questions bring us more benefit than many easy victories that do not give any spiritual growth.

They say: “God gives a person as many trials as he can withstand.” Is this fair? Continuous tests create the impression of punishment. For what? Natalia.

Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:

Hello, Natalia!

The phrase that confused you says that no one is tested beyond their strength, that no one is given a cross beyond their strength. I would compare the test to the necessary training. After all, the main goal of earthly life is to prepare for eternal life. And for this, we sometimes have to work hard on ourselves in order to develop the good properties of the soul and prevent the development of evil ones. Life with its trials can be compared to training, when an athlete, preparing for competitions, trains and improves his results. This is how the Apostle Paul wrote about life’s tribulations: “But we glory in tribulations, knowing that from tribulation comes patience, and from patience experience, from experience hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” . And one more very important aspect. The word “punishment” you used is correct in the sense that it comes from the word “mandate”, that is, a lesson. Thus, our whole life can be considered a lesson that we must learn in order to pass our main exam - to give a worthy answer to the Lord about our life at the Last Judgment. “You need patience so that, having fulfilled the will of God, you receive what was promised.”(Heb. 10:36), that is, eternal life and eternal bliss.

Sincerely, Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko.

Question:

Hello, father! My question is this: I’m unlucky in life, I’m constantly haunted by failures. I've never had real friends, I can't get a good job, my kids get sick often and a lot of little things happen, everything is against me. I had surgery to restore my vision, it worsened again, I straightened my nasal septum, but I still can’t breathe. I go to church, take communion once every 2 months, maybe my soul is bad? Who should I pray to so that everything goes well in life? God gives me trials?

Answers the question: Archpriest Dimitry Shushpanov

Priest's answer:

I would like to offer as an answer the sayings of saints about sorrows:

“It is for this reason that temptations, many trials, sorrows, struggles and shedding of sweat are laid out on the path, so that those who truly loved the one Lord with all their will and with all their might even to death, and with such love for Him no longer had “Therefore, in truth, they enter the heavenly kingdom, having renounced themselves, according to the Lord’s word, and having loved the only Lord more than their own breath; therefore, for their high love, they will be rewarded with high heavenly gifts.”

“God will not despise a contrite and humble heart: the sorrows that occur are by God’s permission; and when those who grieve with all their souls turn to the Lord, at that same hour the Lord will ineffably comfort them with His bounties and give a good thought to those who listen to Him, what should be done to please Him.”

“By enduring tribulations we save our souls, and in no other way do we become accomplices of Christ’s sufferings than by enduring afflictions. For everything give thanks to God, for thanksgiving intercedes with God for infirmities.”

“And as through many sorrows it is fitting for us to enter into the kingdom of God. Look: without labor and sorrow no one is justified. Therefore, the Lord called the gates leading to the kingdom of heaven narrow and cramped, that is, full of restrictions. But not every "whatever hardship or sorrow you may encounter, but sorrow because of faith in God"

“Each person has his own sorrows, only to the prying eye they are invisible. Moreover, I will tell you as a consolation that only through the patience of sorrows can you save your soul. The holy fathers note: if there were no sorrows, there would be no saints. And the Lord gave , we have this commandment: Through your patience you will gain your souls."

“We do not know for what purpose the Lord sends us sorrows, but, of course, the main ones are three, of which one, and perhaps all, are often the reason that He beats us with His fatherly rod. I believe: or to punishment for our previous sins, for, according to the word of the holy Apostle: we are punished by the Lord, so as not to be condemned with the world (1 Cor. 11, 32), or to test our faith and hope in the Lord, or, finally, so that the former will not be without sorrows we will fall into some other sins. And besides, the sorrowful path is the path to the Kingdom of Heaven."

Answered by the rector of the Church of the Life-Giving Trinity in Khokhly (Moscow):

– A person may ask the same question: “Why is this happening to me?” in completely different, diametrically opposed cases. It’s one thing to have some kind of everyday, current troubles, annoyance at oneself, at the inability to cope with basic things. The other is global, serious, existential issues, such as loneliness, loss of a loved one.

That is, it’s one thing when a heel breaks while a woman is rushing to a meeting with her boss, but in the end she is late and loses an excellent vacancy. Then the question is also asked: “Why did this happen to me?” It’s pointless and stupid to answer it, because... it’s pointless and stupid. But we cannot ignore serious issues, such as the question of Elena, who really wants to have a family, strives for marriage, has maintained chastity, lives among good and kind people and who, in general, is not deprived of anything in comparison with others. But something doesn't add up. What's wrong with her and why? How should she accept this will of God within herself? Is this even God's will?

Here another question arises: is there even God’s will for suffering, for loneliness, for anything else that brings pain to a person? And this is a cardinal question.

I don't think it is God's will for people to suffer. It is not God's will for little children to die from terrible diseases. It is not God’s will for people to remain lonely and suffer from this, because the Lord Himself said: “It’s not good for a person to be alone"(Gen. 2:18)

It is not God's will for people to be disabled. It is not God’s will for people to be unhappy, for people to be born into defective families. And for children to suffer because their parents don’t love them.

So you can’t ask the question “How to accept the will of God”? If the question is posed this way, then we shouldn’t be surprised when people from the outside ask us: “Why do you have such a strange faith?”

If we assume that there is God’s will for some negative, tragic phenomena, we must answer: “Everything happens because it is God’s will.” And how blasphemous it will sound that there is God’s will for the death of babies, for cancer, for the brutal murders of innocent people, for wars, for lies, for deception, for betrayal, for treason, for crimes. How could this be God’s will?!

Change the picture of the world...

Let us remember the Gospel story about the healing of a blind man, about whom the disciples asked the Lord: “Rabbi! Who sinned, he or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered: “Neither he nor his parents sinned, but this was so that the works of God might be revealed in him” (John 9:1-3).

The Lord comes to heal him. But the Lord comes not to heal one particular blind man and not to heal all the blind people in the world. And in order to change the picture of the world. So that in general blindness, deafness, dumbness and everything else cease to be the law, the norm of this world.

The Lord takes upon himself the sins of this world on the Cross, redeems this world with His own blood, resurrects and gives this world Eternal Life, where there is no illness, no sorrow, no sighing, but only the great bliss of a person’s presence in fullness, beauty, happiness and love .

After the Resurrection of Christ, people did not stop being born with diseases, they did not stop fighting and killing each other. But people can stop doing this if they finally become Christians. And in general, when people become Christians (for real, not nominally), life changes.

Perhaps their outer shell does not change, people do not cease to be people with all the consequences of human life. But a person who is truly connected with God changes greatly. He ceases to be blind, deaf, and dumb internally, because he comes to life. Although physical life remains the same. Perhaps the hardships of this life are physically getting worse for Christians. But inwardly a Christian is renewed from day to day. As the Apostle Paul says, if the old decays, then inwardly it is renewed.

There will be no more questions

When a person finds himself in a difficult situation, or when something extraordinary happened to him, and at the same time in his life he was able to feel the presence of God, to feel that God is with him, next to him, he no longer asks God questions. He doesn’t ask why this happened to him.

It so happened that in the last few years I have often had to communicate with children with severe cancer. During this time, many have already gone to God.

I talk to them about the Kingdom of Heaven, about whether they feel the presence of God in their lives. And for me it is always some kind of miracle, a discovery, when I hear from these very small, but very real Christians that they feel this presence of God very clearly, very close. When they are able, for example, in situations where they have to endure terrible pain, fight and try not to show these pains to their parents. And the main thing is that these children (this will not reveal the secret of personal confession) repent in confession that they do not have the strength to endure pain and their parents, seeing their suffering, suffer themselves. It is clear to me that he and God are very close.

Of course, situations are different. There are children who are 16-17 years old, they are very depressed from what is happening. They cannot fully accept much, but they try. They try, realizing that the hour of death is near. Their parents are also trying.

Recently I told one mother: “Be strong.” And she answers me with a smile: “What are you talking about, I accepted everything a long time ago.” And such peace is visible, peace in her soul from the fact that for her God is nearby. Despite the fact that she has a tragedy, it is simply scary for an outsider to look at a child in his stage of illness.

If a person is not a doctor, not a priest, not a parent, it is difficult to be around for more than a few minutes, seeing such a little person suffering.

Is this suffering the will of God?

Can this be accepted as the will of God?

Is it possible to accept God into your life?

How to do it?

Don't know.

How do these people do it?

Can not say.

I don’t have a method, a magic formula, a ready-made recipe.

It is very important if a person is able, in a situation of grief, misunderstanding of God, in a situation where life seems completely meaningless and useless to him, to think: “How can I get to know God better, how can I accept God, how can I receive this Light from Him so that , having enlightened me, removed this question from me.” Because this issue cannot be resolved. There is no answer to this. And if you ask it constantly, there will still be no answer, but there will be a constant state of despondency, a heartbreaking state of irresponsibility. But you can remove this question from your life.

The world we live in is completely distorted, it’s like a minefield, like a battlefield. Where can you find something like that, some kind of oasis where you can sit quietly until the Last Judgment? There is no such place on Earth.

And here the words of Kierkegaard are very important to me: if a person treats God as Power, as Reason, as such a Miracle, which one must always focus on, then a person must somehow try to understand God all the time: why is this so? why this happens. So as not to make a mistake before such a Powerful, Reasonable, Super-just and such a Correct God. But if “God is Love” (1 John 4:16), then it’s not at all scary not to understand Him. You just need to learn to feel this Love, be able to get closer to this Love, so that it truly deeply touches the human heart. Because if it touches the heart, then, firstly, a person then begins to have a different attitude towards the Gospel, towards his religious life, towards himself. And, of course, he begins to relate to God differently.

So a person needs to make up his mind and accept God into his heart.

Folklore

The idea that God sends some kind of tests to the one whom He loves most is folklore, like ditties. It’s like there is no cross beyond our strength, God sends us only tests within our strength.

Forgive me, is the Gospel something you can do?!

How can we say such nonsense that the cross is not unbearable?

Yes, the cross is always overwhelming. There is no cross that is feasible.

But these words: “Whoever wants to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me” (Mark 8:34) – is this possible?

Is it possible for a person to hear such words?

Can he do something on his own without letting God into his life?

If so, then perhaps there is some other “gospel” that everyone can do. There is a “gospel” adapted in human minds, where Christianity and national ideas are approximately the same thing; where our folk traditions and, in general, the traditions of centuries and life in Christ are one and the same. Yes, if this is the “gospel”, then it is quite possible. The “gospel” of traditions, the “gospel” of statutes, the “gospel” of imperial-power consciousness, the “gospel” of anything. Only Christ in His Gospel did not say anything about traditions or national ideas.

When everything is right

Often a person thinks: “I’m doing everything right, why does this end up happening to me?”

But our life does not depend on what we do right or what we do wrong.

Yes, in the categories of Old Testament justice, such an establishment, so to speak, of the rules of the road, of course, works. If you go to the left, you will lose this, if you go to the right, you will lose that. Better go straight. It's hard, but at least it's correct. “See that you do as the Lord your God commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left; walk in the way that the Lord your God commanded you, that you may live and prosper, and may live long in the land which you will receive to possess” (Deuteronomy 5:32-33).

But what did the apostles do that was so bad and wrong that each of them was executed with terrible, terrible torture, that throughout their entire apostolic life they were constantly stoned, humiliated, imprisoned, and persecuted? Why didn't they have a normal family life? Why didn’t they have a good apartment, a dacha within easy reach of the center of Moscow, a good car, a job, a salary, a pension and respect from the population?

I repeat, what did they do wrong? Whoever can answer this question will probably answer what he himself is doing right or wrong.

As for the main question we are discussing: “Why is this happening in my life?” – I repeat, there is no answer to this.

There is only one possibility - to remove this issue from the agenda. It can only be removed when a person is very close to God.